New Startup Kickstarts Stylish Signal-Blocking Tin Foil Hats

Are you one of the unlucky few who fall victim to government mindreading via invisible microwave beams? Are you spending far too much money on tin foil to protect your brain from being probed, or are you just self-conscious when wearing your ramshackle silver hat in public? Well, good news everybody! A new company based in London is Kickstarting a batch of stylish, signal-blocking tin foil hats, so you won’t have to resort to wrapping your head in foil any more.

Shield Apparel has launched the Shield, described as “signal proof headwear”, suitable for blocking “signals from cell phones, wi-fi routers, microwaves and it generally blocks waves transmitted from electric devices,” according to the Kickstarter campaign.

“We know that we need to say something more about the technology and design to grab your attention and trust, so here we go,” the Kickstarter reads, in some kind of weird, metatextual self-commentary. “To achieve the signal proof quality we use a unique fabric (pure silver) which is antimicrobial, antiodor, washable and was originally produced for military purposes and we put it between the hat’s layers.

“It’s not blocking for 100% percent,” the blurb adds, “but better than nothing.” Better than nothing? Phew! At least it’s not a complete waste of money…

It seems that the Iluminati is probing more minds than previously thought, with 194 backers pledging £10,085 towards the Shield’s £13,000 goal, with 10 days to go. Will you be investing in tin foil hats or is this taking it a bit too far?